How to Increase Your EQ as a Leader

What qualities are people looking for in a leader?

Most people think that the best leaders are the most intelligent people in the room. Someone who has earned many accolades. While all leadership and academic credit are essential, we often forget the one thing that sets an exceptional leader apart from the rest: emotional intelligence.

Having a high emotional quotient (EQ) makes one an ideal candidate because they understand people more. In fact, emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of job performance across all types of work, and 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence. ¹ In other words, your ability to read emotions, manage relationships, and stay calm under pressure matters more than your technical skills or IQ.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is your ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognize and influence the feelings of others. Psychologist Daniel Goleman brought this concept into the spotlight with his 1995 bestseller Emotional Intelligence, and his subsequent research on leadership showed that EQ often separates great leaders from average ones. ²

The numbers back this up. Emotional intelligence contributes to 67% of leadership success, and companies with high-EQ leaders see 22% higher revenue growth. ¹ Leaders with strong EQ create teams with less turnover, higher engagement, and better results.

The good news is that, unlike IQ, you can develop your emotional intelligence at any stage of your career. This article will show you exactly how. You'll learn how to assess your current EQ, build stronger self-awareness, manage your emotions effectively, read other people better, and improve your relationships. Forget the notion that these are abstract concepts, and start thinking of them as practical strategies you can start using today to be a better leader. 

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Understanding the Four Core Components of EQ

Before you can improve your emotional intelligence, you need to understand what it's made of. According to research by Daniel Goleman and Richard Boyatzis, EQ comprises four main components that build on one another. ³ 

1. Self-awareness is the foundation. This is your ability to recognize your emotions as they happen and understand how they affect your thoughts and behavior. Self-aware leaders know their strengths and weaknesses, understand what triggers their emotions, and recognize how their mood impacts others. For example, a self-aware leader might notice they're feeling irritable before an important meeting and take a few minutes to calm down rather than snapping at their team.

2. Self-Management (also called self-regulation) is your ability to control impulsive feelings and behaviors. It means managing your emotions in healthy ways, staying flexible when circumstances change, and maintaining a positive outlook despite setbacks.² Leaders with strong self-management don't send angry emails they'll regret later. Instead, they pause, take a breath, and respond thoughtfully. They adapt when plans change rather than spiraling into frustration.

3. Social Awareness is about understanding other people. This includes practicing empathy, reading nonverbal cues, and sensing the emotional climate of a room. Socially aware leaders notice when a usually talkative team member goes quiet, or when there's tension in a meeting that needs to be addressed.⁴ They pick up on the unspoken dynamics that others miss.

4. Relationship Management is the culmination of the other three components. It's your ability to use emotional awareness to manage interactions successfully—inspire and influence others, manage conflict effectively, and work well in teams.³ Leaders strong in relationship management know how to give feedback that motivates rather than deflates, and how to navigate difficult conversations without damaging trust.

These four components work together. You can't manage emotions you don't recognize, and you can't build strong relationships without understanding what others are feeling. Self-awareness is the starting point, and everything else builds from there.

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How to Increase Your EQ

Now that you're aware of the components of emotional intelligence, let's dive into key tips and steps to increase your emotional quotient as a leader. These steps will help you understand your emotions and develop a way to translate that understanding into your leadership style.

Assess Your Current EQ Level

Here's a big question for you: Do you think you're self-aware? Around 95% of people think they're self-aware, but only 10-15% actually are.⁵ This gap between perception and reality is why you need an honest assessment of your emotional intelligence before you can improve it.

The most revealing approach is a 360-degree feedback assessment, which gathers anonymous input from your manager, peers, and direct reports.² Ask specific questions like "How would you rate my ability to stay calm under pressure?" or "How well do I handle conflict?"

Your goal in doing this isn't validation, but to identify the gaps between how you see yourself and how others see you.⁵ Pay special attention to feedback that surprises you or patterns that multiple people mention. These gaps reveal your most significant growth opportunities.

You can also use formal assessment tools. The EQ-i 2.0 (Emotional Quotient Inventory) is one of the most widely researched EQ assessments, measuring 15 emotional and social competencies across five composite scales.⁶ TalentSmart offers the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal for a quicker option.⁷ If you want free assessments, the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley provides research-based quizzes that give you a solid starting point.⁸

Beyond formal assessments, ask yourself tough questions: What situations consistently trigger strong emotions in me? How do people typically react when I'm stressed? What feedback have I been ignoring for years? Write down specific answers, and this becomes your baseline, which you can look back on as you grow.

Journaling is one way to track your progress in your EQ Development. (Photo by Liliartsy on Unsplash.)

Develop Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. Without it, you can't manage your emotions or understand others.

Start with two simple daily practices. First, spend five minutes on focused breathing. Research shows this increases gray matter in brain regions responsible for self-awareness ^9. Second, keep an emotion journal. Each evening, write about what triggered your emotions and how you responded.⁷ After a few weeks, you'll spot patterns: maybe you get defensive when questioned, or anxious before presentations.

It also helps when you know how to identify your emotional triggers or the situations that consistently provoke strong reactions. Common triggers for leaders include feeling disrespected, losing control, and being publicly criticized.⁷ Find time for self-reflection and list your top five triggers and your typical reactions. When you feel a strong emotion rising, practice the pause: take three deep breaths, name the emotion, and ask if your reaction is proportional. ¹⁰

Finally, pay attention to your impact on others. Does the energy shift when you walk in? Do people engage or check out? If people tense up around you, that's valuable feedback.¹⁰

Take time to pause and breathe in high-stress situations before you respond or say anything. (Image generated using Wix AI Image Creator)

Master Self-Management

Self-awareness tells you what you're feeling. Self-management is what you do about it. However, please don't mistake this for suppressing your emotions; see it as a way to channel them productively.

When you feel anger, frustration, or anxiety rising, give yourself time before responding.² Count to ten before replying to difficult emails. Say "Let me think about that and get back to you." Take a bathroom break during tense meetings. If you receive an angry email, save your response as a draft and come back in 2 hours. You'll almost always revise it to be more effective.

Develop stress management techniques that work for you. Physical approaches, such as taking a five-minute walk, interrupt your stress response.¹¹ Mental approaches help, too. Instead of thinking "This is a disaster," try reframing it as "This is a challenge we can solve."¹² Focus only on what you can actually control.

Research shows these implementation intentions dramatically increase follow-through.¹³ And sometimes the best strategy is to remove yourself temporarily, then use that time to calm down and decide how to respond.¹⁰

Learn to read non-verbal cues and get a hint at how people feel around you. (Photo by Memento Media on Unsplash)

Build Social Awareness

Social awareness means understanding other people, including their emotions, needs, and the dynamics between them. It's the foundation of empathy.

To build social awareness, it's good to practice active listening.¹⁴ Put away distractions, make eye contact, and focus entirely on what someone says. Respond to them like paraphrasing what you heard ("So what I'm hearing is...") or reflecting the emotion ("It sounds like you're frustrated.") Because when people feel listened to, they trust you more as a leader.

It is also essential to pay attention to nonverbal cues.¹⁵ Watch facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and eye contact. Notice when someone's words say "yes," but their body language says "no." The mismatch is where the truth usually lives.

Before responding in any conversation, ask yourself: "What might this person be feeling right now?" ¹⁶ Consider their context—workload, personal situation, past experiences, as these factors play a huge role in how they might respond to you. Instead of assuming, ask: "Help me understand your perspective" or "What concerns you most about this?"

Another thing you should observe is knowing how to read the room.⁴ When you enter a meeting, pause before speaking. What's the energy level? Who's engaged, and who's checked out? If the room feels tense, address it and ask them what their hesitations are or if they have any concerns.

Show genuine curiosity. Asking "How are you REALLY doing?" gives off more empathy than just asking "How are you?" And when they respond to your question, remember it and follow up later.

Building social awareness through empathy builds people's trust in you.

A sign of a leader with high EQ is knowing how to navigate difficult conversations. (Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash)

Strengthen Relationship Management

Relationship management brings everything together by using your understanding of emotions to navigate interactions successfully and build strong relationships.

Difficult conversations are inevitable when you are a leader. For example, giving a performance review can be daunting, mainly because we don't want to deliver bad news cold.

So when you face these difficult conversations, balance being direct with being kind.¹⁷ You can still state the facts, but you can also sympathize or share your feelings. Then, ask for their perspective so they can help you understand how it happened. Lastly, don't just leave them to resolve things on their own. Collaborate on possible solutions so they feel you didn't abandon them. This approach is honest and respectful, which would not make them feel attacked.

Address conflicts within 24 to 48 hours.¹⁸ Ask to speak privately and face-to-face, listen to understand their perspective, and focus on what you both need and find common ground.

Give regular feedback using the SBI framework: Situation-Behavior-Impact.¹⁹ "In yesterday's client meeting, when you interrupted the client, it seemed like we weren't listening, and they became defensive." Positive feedback matters too: "Your data visualization made our complex findings easy to understand." Be specific about what you want to point out, whether it's positive or negative.

Build trust through consistency.²⁰ Do what you say you'll do, every time. Give credit publicly and take responsibility for mistakes. Genuine recognition costs nothing but can change someone's entire week.²¹

Practicing EQ Development daily will make you a more approachable leader. (Image generated using Wix AI Image Creator)

Make EQ Development a Daily Practice

Emotional intelligence isn't something you achieve once. Like any other skill, emotional intelligence needs constant practice. Research shows it takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit,²² so consistency matters more than intensity.

Build EQ into your daily routine. Start each morning with five to ten minutes of mindfulness and set an intention. Throughout the day, name your emotions at least 3 times and practice pausing before responding to challenging situations. Each evening, spend ten minutes journaling about your emotional experiences.⁷

To make it more effective and push you to improve at this practice, you can set specific, measurable goals.²³ A goal like "I will ask 'How are you really doing?' to three team members today," or "I will pause 10 times before responding to any criticism for this week." Then, track whether you're following through.

Be patient with yourself.²⁴ You will hit some bumps along the way, and that's alright. Never treat it as a failure. After all, you're rewiring your brain and changing lifelong habits.²⁵ The best you can do is to notice what happened, learn from it, and move forward. It's more important to see your progress than to try to be perfect.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence is a complex skill that makes everything else work. It's what allows you to lead through change, navigate conflict, build trust, and bring out the best in your team.

The four components—self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management—build on each other. Start with self-awareness, because you can't manage what you don't recognize. Practice these techniques daily, not just when you remember or when things go wrong.

The research is detailed: leaders with high EQ drive better results. They create teams with higher engagement, lower turnover, and stronger performance. Ninety percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence, so EQ is not optional for leadership success.

The best thing about it is (and it's what matters most) that you can develop EQ. It isn't fixed, but something you can harness through practice, patience, and consistency. Then, you can see yourself become significantly more emotionally intelligent than you are today.

The key is to start small. This week, choose one strategy from this article and commit to it. Maybe it's starting an emotion journal. Perhaps it's practicing active listening in every meeting. Maybe it's pausing for three breaths before reacting. Track it daily, and notice what changes. Then add another practice.

Your emotional intelligence will grow. Your leadership will strengthen. And the people around you will notice the difference.

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References/Sources:

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21. Daniel H. Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us (New York: Riverhead Books, 2009). 

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